Anxiety-Inducing Female Friendships

I recently saw a meme, which you’ve probably all seen some version of at some point. It read: “Every good friendship always starts with ‘when I first saw u I thought u were a ____.’” (Well, you probably can fill in the blank.)

Why this rings true with so many females, we all know but hate to admit. 

After being single for 34 years, enduring painful blind dates, squirming through awkward encounters, stomaching the minimum of online dating I could handle, navigating the game of texts, Facebook messages, DM’s, and the ever-so-awkward selfies sent to me by boys and men (or should I say deal-breakers), I can easily say navigating the world of female relationships are more complicated than male relationships.  

As females, already, most of us are very slow to trust each other. We tend to keep our guard up with one another more than we ever manage to with men, even though we’re quick to act like it’s down when, in fact, it’s not.

Unless you find it easy and comforting to be in large gatherings and congregations of women (which I have never been), female friendships can be tricky. Nay - anxiety-inducing. 

Maybe me and my introverted self are the only one who deals with the stress that can come with developing female friendships, but there is an underlying anxiety that I believe all women encounter when initially meeting others. Some can ride with it; others are shut down by it. (I tend to fall into the latter). 

Don’t get me wrong. There are those friends that come with no inhibitions, no game-playing, who instead cause you to let your guard down rather than put it up. And sometimes, it takes a conversation or two to see there was never a need for any reservations at the start.

Now, I first began writing this blog as a single woman with a single’s perspective. And (even for an introvert, yes) loneliness in this state of life is no joke. So it is no wonder many women crave more friendships or feel that if our company isn't #squadgoal-worthy that there is something wrong with us. I completely get it.

We would all love to think that thoughts such as the meme mentioned above would never cross our minds, but they do. Yet, we tend to feel as if we don’t have a “squad” of dozens of dedicated friendships around us, at all times, that something is wrong with us. It’s the glamorization of how social media makes us think our friendships should always look. 

I recently watched an interview where Brené Brown was asked about the topic of shame and friendships. She was discussing why you should be selective with what friends you confide in and how we all tend to feel the need for a large company of friends. Brown said if you have one friend you can truly trust “you are so lucky. Two or three - the lottery.” 

If that’s the case, I’ve had a pocket of gold for some time now. 

Anxieties among female friendships are a reality, just as mind games, gossip, incessant comparisons, and perpetual insecurities are a reality to some degree for us all. But who wants to admit any of that?

I guess I've come to an age where I've discovered I already hit the jackpot in this department. Not to say, new friendships aren't worth the time, effort, and energy. Because new relationships are as enriching and exciting to my life, as new travels and new films are to my psyche. (Which is saying a lot.) 

But is it worth a self-altering, anxiety-inducing, nerve-racking version of myself?

Frankly, for me, it’s not.